So the other day, Ol’ Pappy was out in the woodshed, hiding from the kids… er, I mean, contemplating ways to improve my parenting skills, when my hand accidentally slipped and pressed the “To Battle” button on my favorite bot-blasting app.
It wasn’t my fault, I swear.
I was just trying to check the weather… but these newfangled phone contraptions are complicated!
Anyways, there I was, innocently Shocktraining every red in sight, when suddenly, I felt THE STARE.
You fellas know what I mean… the tender gaze of your beloved, about to raise holy hell over you wasting your life playing video games, instead doing something useful, like, um…. well, actually, video games are pretty useful, honey… they uh, improve hand-eye-coordination. That’s it!
But back to my tragic tale….
Ol’ Pappy was caught. He had to think fast.
“Hey honey, thank tarnation you’re here,” I said. “I was just about to call for you.”
“You were?” she said, sceptically.
“Yes ma'am, I was. You see, I’m in a bit of a bind,” I said. “I have all these robots here, and I can dress them up — but I’m not sure what skins to dress them in.”
“Move over,” said the Missus.
Taking my phone, she began scrolling through the options.
And at that moment, I knew she was hooked. Because, as the ZZ Top tune goes, “ladies go crazy for a sharp-dressed mech.”
So, without further ado, here’s Mrs. Pappy’s Top 5 Fashion Looks for the Battlefield.
No. 5 — Dragon Scale Bulgasari
The latest entry in the world of robotic fashion, the new Dragon Scale skin sets a high bar. Its blazing-red undertone is perfectly accented by exotic golden ornamental markings. Best matched with Tarans — the plasma bursts are a perfect compliment to the color scheme.
No. 4 — Raven Griffin
When Edgar Allen Poe, the master of the macabre, wrote his chilling masterpiece, The Raven, he likely didn’t know that his namesake would one day be soaring over futuristic battlefields, striking fear into the hearts of pilots worldwide. One of the earliest skins to enter the game, the tonal balance in the color scheme enhances the Raven’s fearsome features. Best matched with the new Vortex weapon — the colors match well, and the Vortex’s death-circles look like fireworks as Raven glides over the battlefield.
No. 3 — Death Knight Gareth
This was a close one, because the Oathbreaker Galahad could easily be switched in here. With both Camelot bots sporting skull motifs, the deciding factor came down to the Death Knight Gareth’s freaky vampire teeth. Skulls are scary enough. But vampire skulls?!? Are you kidding? Perfectly matched with double Gust + Storm. You’ll likely die quickly, but it will be a glorious death.
No. 2 — Black Widow Rajin
It’s black, has twelve beady red eyes, and looks like a freaking spider. Do I really need to say more? This skin, introduced during a Halloween event, is an instant classic. Best paired with a two Embers, so you can watch your enemies literally melt before your dozen hellish spider eyes.
No. 1 — Blaze Natasha
What’s bigger than a 10-storey building, and looks like an enforcer for a biker gang? Blaze Natasha, of course! For too long, Natasha was the frumpy cat lady of the mech world. Most players had her in their hangars but rarely took her out for a date. But, the recent influx of new weapon options has breathed new life in the old girl. So what’s stopping you? Grab your Blaze skin and start stomping across the battlefield. With its demonic skulls, and raging flames, Blaze will set even the most hardened pilot’s heart afire. Best matched with a switchblade, a barfight, and a bottle of malt liquor.
So there you have it — Mrs. Pappy has weighed in with her selections. Follow her list, and you’ll be dressed for success in no time.
Now, if only I could convince her to stop playing the game, and hand over my phone….!
Do you agree with these picks? If not — there's nothing stange in that! Visuals are often all about personal preference. What are your favourite paint jobs? Tell us in the comments!